i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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