my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You ever have a fart follow you around?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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