Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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