I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i now understand why vodka
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
