the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
