im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
