a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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