i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Less talking, more tequila
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize