i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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