My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
