What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
