i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
