So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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