I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
