yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
