His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
