Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
