were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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