listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
