If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
