When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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