Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
