He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
