I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
