what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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