Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
