He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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