Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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