dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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