Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
