i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
