He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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