the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
