so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
