You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
