He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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