Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
