I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
