im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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