Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
