Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
