I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
