I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
