We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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