I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
