Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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