I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So here I am, sexting at work.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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