So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
