It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
