My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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