i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
