i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dear god my vagina.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize