How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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