Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
