Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
