Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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