She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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