Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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