Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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