Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
