Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
