Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
