I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
