I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
