His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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