In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
